How to find out what someone wants for a gift — without spoiling the surprise

1. Listen for a few weeks first

• What they complain about running out of, or what keeps breaking.
• What they've been reading, watching or talking about lately.
• What they almost bought for themselves, then decided against.
• "I'd love to try that one day": a class, a place, a restaurant.

Write it down on your phone when you hear it. By the time the birthday comes round, you'll have forgotten.

2. Ask questions that don't sound like gift questions

These work in normal conversation. Asked all at once in December they're suspicious; spread over a few weeks, they're just chat:

1. Your perfect weekend looks like…
2. Something you've wanted to try this year?
3. A skill you'd love to learn?
4. If you could go anywhere next month, where would it be?
5. New things, or better versions of what you already love?
6. The last thing you treated yourself to?
7. The best gift you've ever received?

3. Ask someone close to them

A partner, sibling or best friend knows the size, the colour they never wear and what's already on the shelf. Ask them which of your ideas they'd pick, rather than asking them to come up with one.

4. Let them react to a few ideas

People are much better at reacting than at inventing. Shown five ideas, almost anyone can say "love it", "not for me" or "already have one" in seconds. Put your real favourite in among a few others, and ask for gut reactions.

That's what TinyHint does: you add the ideas, they get a one-minute survey and react to each one, and you see the results on a private page. They'll know something is coming, but not which idea you'll pick, and not from whom if you stay anonymous.

5. Know when to just ask

• Expensive or technical things, where the wrong model is a real waste.
• Clothes and shoes, where size matters more than surprise.
• People who've told you they don't like surprises. Believe them.